I can't believe I actually had this episode finished for months but forgot to post it here....Anyways, here it is. btw, Chriz and Draze are furry friends of mine from another board, just so you know. They're really nice guys, not like the lunatic furry fans you hear about so much. *Looks at Phaux* >_> lol j/k



Episode Three: 'Misplaced in Space!'


(Cut to the Medical Bay, where Dr. Kad is working on some experiment with various chemicals. Behind him on the wall is a poster that reads 'Der Feind schaut zu', which translates into 'The enemy is watching'. Kad is humming a made-up song)
Kad: "Und dann nehme ich einen kleinen zinkrynide und mische es mit dem nitroglyceride und mache eine kleine Bombe, das Schiff zu sprengen, und alle zu töten,-"
(Translates to 'And then I take a little zinkrynide and mix it with the nitroglyceride and make a little bomb to blow up the ship and kill all the- ')
(John and Dan enter the room and Kad suddenly changes his song so as to not arouse suspicion)
Kad: "Die Sonne poliert und ich lächle und alles ist okaaay, Die Kinder spielen und ich lache und-"
(Translates to 'The sun is shining and I am smiling and everything is okaaay, The children are playing and I am laughing and-)
John: "Hey, nice song you're singing there."
Dan: *Mumbling to himself:* "Actually, it's the stupidest song I've ever heard...."

Kad: "Ja, ja, it vas a liddle sung mine Mutter taught me when she vas building bombardiert to crush zee Imperialistenabschaum."
Dan: "...I'm going to pretend I didn't understand that..."
John: "Understand what??"
Dan: "Look, Doctor, I think you need to examine the Captain here. He seems to have a deadly illness that has made him more intelligent. If he had the intelligence of an average human, the disease would have increased his IQ to a phenomenal level. Unfortunately, seeing as how he originally had the IQ of a brick, he's no smarter than the average person right now."
Kad: "Ah, in Ordnung, in Ordnung."
(Kad pulls out a tricorder and scans John's body with it briefly, mumbling to himself about how useful this disease would be to augment his army of Pirahna-Pandas)
Dan: "So, is he fine, Doctor?"
Kad: "Oh, ja, ja....Just lemme analyze thiz data...UND BENUTZT DIES, SIE AUF DEM KOPF ZU STREIKEN!"
(As he says that last part in German really fast, he quickly pulls out a little hammer, the kind that doctors use to test reflexes, and strikes Dan on the head with it, knocking the Vulcan out cold)
John: "What happened to HIM??"
Kad: "Oh, heez, uh, SLEEPING. Yah! Sleeping!"
John: "Oh, okies."


In the Ten-Backward, which is the ship's mess hall, an average-looking person wearing a business suit and a trilby hat walked into the room and sat down at an empty table by himself. Most of the people in the mess hall glanced over at him, wondering who this new guy was. Zero, the Klingon, was watching him carefully while sipping his glass of prune juice; a warrior's drink. He suddenly stood up and strode over to the new guy as mightily as could be.
Zero: "Q'Pauhl! Where do you hail from, human scum?"
Chriz: "Ah, hi there, potential customer! I hail from the L5 Colony on Uranus."
(Suddenly, a 12-year-old boy wearing a Goku mask pops up beside Zero)
Goku: "URNUAS?!?!2!! LOLOLLLOL4OL ROFLMAO OMFG STFU TAHTS FUNNEY!!!2!!"
Zero: "SILENCE, YOU P'TAGH! It's pronounced 'Your-Uh-Nus'!!"
Goku: "UR A NUS?!?@! WT ABAOUT UR RECTM?!?#! TAHTS SO FUNNEH@!!!"
Zero: "I SAID SILENCE, YOU IMBECILIC CHILD!! Don't make me stab you with my Bat'Leth!"
Goku: "WLEL 1 GUTTA GO NOWE!!@! FREIEZA IZ PLNANING ON BLWIONG UP TEH PLNET VEGGIETA!!@#!! BAI$!!!"
Goku runs off shouting something about 'Master Roshi' and 'training'. Zero and Chriz are silent for a moment, wondering who the heck that kid was. After a minute, Chriz sets his briefcase on the table and opens it.
Chriz: "Anyways, I've been assigned by 'Generic, Corp.' to be a crewmen on this starship so that I can sell our new product! It's an amazing piece of technology, and it's only avalible for $2,500! Order now, and get a 3%* discount! (*Offer availible for a limited time only)"
Zero: "Sounds like a real honorable deal for a warrior you got there, pathetic little hu-mahn. What are you selling?"
Chriz: "Some technology...."
Zero: "Yes, but what IS it, specifically?"
Chriz: "Well, we at Generic, Corp. have formed fully-functioning partner teams to leverage our value-added resources into synergy to create empowerment throughout our salary band on an international corporate scale."
Zero: "...........What?"
Chriz: "It's a whole new paradigm."


Iggy was chatting with Allan aka 'Frank Al' in Ten Backward.

Iggy: "Hi, Al. Thanks for letting me eat here with you. I've always wanted to talk to you about, you know, 'bout pranks and stuff."

Allan: "You're a liar."

Iggy: "What do you mean I'm a liar?"

Allan: "I never said you were a liar, you liar. You and all the others lie."

Iggy: "We do? What have we been lying about, exactly?"

Allan: "You're a big, fat idiot."

Iggy: "Excuse me?"

Allan: "Liar."

Iggy: "Okaaaaay. Well, anywho, everyone else on this ship hates Captain John. We're thinking of starting a mutiny. What do you think?"

Allan: "I think you're a big, fat idiot."

Iggy: "But you just TOLD me that..."

Allan: "No I didn't, you liar."

Iggy: "Uh, yeah. Sorry to sound like a news interviewer, but what do you think of the crew we have here?"

Allan: "I think that you and the rest of the crew are a bunch of motherf***ing, Nazi, *ssholes who should drink poison and DIE."

Iggy: "BOY...Well, excuse ME for wanting to get to know more about you since you're the newest crewmember."

Allan: "No, you SHOULDN'T be excused, you liar. I think that you should go back and join the rest of the Nazi SS, you Swastika-loving junior Hitler."

Iggy: "...Wow, you're really testing my patience. Do you really think that everyone is an idiot?"

Allan: "Not EVERYONE is. I'M not. I went to Harvard, where all the smart people go. Anyone who doesn't is a liar. Even the people who go to Harvard are liars, except me."

Iggy: "I don't think that's a fair view-"

Allan: "LIAR."

Iggy: "Just what makes you hate everybody and think that we're all liars?"

Allan: "Lemme tell you a secret, Iggy, because I like you;"

Iggy: "Certainly shows..."

Allan: "Liar. Anyways, long ago, when I was a kid, I used to be picked on by bullys at school. It emotionally scarred me for life, and now I tell others that they're liars to make myself feel better. I'm SICK, Iggy."

Iggy: "Wow, I didn't see you open up like this before, Al. You seriously think you're sick?"

Allan: "Who said that?!"

Iggy: "YOU did."

Allan: "Have I called you a liar yet today, because if I didn't, I'm about to start."

Iggy: "Well, it's been 'nice' talking with you, Frank Al."

Allan: "Liar."

Back at the bridge, Evo is manning the Conn. station. Suddenly, she yelps in surprise/fright.
Marty: "Gah, what iz it, lass? You suddenly hed a rehcollektion of yer past memories ur somethin'?"
Evo: "What? No, of course not, Morty! Doctor says I'll never remember anything ever again."
(She continues pushing buttons and such at the station, humming happily)
Marty: "......Okay, but what was it you yelped about? And it's 'Marty', not Morty..."
Evo: "Huh, what??"
Marty: "Nevermind..."
Evo: "Yeee! We're being attacked again! It's that same ship!....I think..."
*Dan walks into the room holding his head. Well, not LITERALLY...*
Dan: "Ahhg, my head aches so much...."
Marty: "What hippined to yeh, sir?"
Dan: "Apparently, our good doctor Kad decided to hit me on the head with a hammer for no reason...Now, what's going on here?"
Evo: "Huh, what? Oh, er, knee-socks and underwear, sir!"
Dan: "..........."
Marty: "I think what she's trying to say is that we ur under attack by the same starship from before."
Dan: "Very well, go to Red Alert. Prepare ship for combat."


As the ship was put on Red Alert, Iggy ran down one of the corridors of the ship and stopped in front of the Holodeck and went inside to talk to Draze, who was relaxing on a massage table out on a wooden deck next to a shoreline with two Hawaiian women massaging his back.
Iggy: "Hey Draze! We're under attack, and it's not a prank this time! Everybody hasta get to their battle stations!"
Draze: "Nope."
Iggy: "But....the ENEMY!"
Draze: "But...the HOLODECK."
Iggy: "But....we're being ATTACKED!"
Draze: "But...I'm being MASSAGED."
Iggy: "But....-"
Draze: "Nope. Go away. After this massage, I'm thinking of playing soccer with these chicks. I'll be Shirts and they'll be Skins."
Draze winked. Iggy frowned.
Iggy: "FINE, BE that way!"
Draze: "OKAY."
Iggy: "STAY in your little fantasy world!"
Draze: "I WILL."
Iggy stormed out, angry. Draze pondered while the girls kept massaging him.
Draze: "Hmm....I wonder if he's mad. Ah well, time for some soccer."


The U.S.S. 'Starship' *THAT'S the name!* shook violently as the enemy vessel opened fire upon it.
Dan: "Marty, fire the photon torpedoes!"
Marty: "Dummies, lad."
Dan: "....What?"
Marty: "I said 'DUMMIES'. The torps ur dummy wahrheads. We got no 'munitions, sir."
Dan: "Well....fire phasers!"
Evo: "Phasers? You mean those funny things along the hull of the ship?"
Dan: "YES..."
Evo: "....I thought those were Christmas lights, and it's June, so I brought them down and boxed them."
Dan: ".........."
Marty: "Say, thaht neyw crewmember Skyleahf has a shuhttle with phasers."
Dan: "Very well. Tell Skyleaf that he'll use his shuttle to attack the enemy from below while we use the Starship to back him up."
Marty: "But....weh're unarmed. We can't back the lad up."
Dan: "Skyleaf doesn't need to know that."
Evo: ".....What's going on again??"

TO BE CONTINUED!





Tad longer than usual, huh? Anyways, whaddya think of it?



EDIT: Oh, I forgot to mention that Skyleaf is another friend of mine who obviously isn't from this board, unless I'm being stupid again. *I've been getting really forgetful recently* I hope I'm not forgetting to mention anyone else....>_>

This post has been edited by Hanakia: Apr 14 2007, 06:44 PM